Weight issues

Okay so it seems that whenever I have a ton to post I always get behind but when I nothing or little to talk about I end up posting a lot more.  Go figure.  I have so much to catch up on with the kids, family, etc.  but I will get to that later.  So today you get a random posting.  How many of you are Biggest Loser fans?  Okay Nate and me are diehards!!! There is just something about that show that continues to draw us in.  It is so awesome to watch people make such a huge change in their lives for the better.  I guess sometimes I feel like I connect with them more because I have always struggled with my weight.  Growing up with two beautiful, skinny older sisters gave me a complex that I still have a hard time overcoming.  I have always felt like I live my life in their shadows.  Unlike them, I was taller, bigger, and stayed in that awkward kid stage just a little longer than I would have liked.  No matter what I tried, I never could get to that point where I could just accept what was given to me and deal with it.  I have had weight issues my entire life, looking back at some of my childhood pictures I see a girl who was very lost and sad (mostly for reasons other than her weight).  My self-esteem has never really been in the positive but having my children has allowed me to see the bigger picture.  For some reason, even though I have struggled with weight issues, when I was pregnant it didn't really matter. Not that I gained a ton with each pregnancy in fact most times I barely gained the recommended amount but it was always on top of the last five pounds from the previous pregnancy.  After I had my children I knew that in order to be a better mom to my kids I had to become happy.  It's sad that so much of my happiness depends on my weight.  But it wasn't just the weight, I needed to get better for my health physically but more important mentally.  My self-esteem has always been in the negative so it has been a huge struggle to try to overcome that.  I have lost some of the weight and even weigh less than I did in high school but yet mentally it isn't clicking yet.  Why is it that we as women in general find our worth so wrapped up in our weight, etc?  Being called into the Young Womens has helped me to see the struggles that young girls today are faced with.  It has helped me to try to become more accepting of myself.  Having a little girl has changed my perspective more than anything.  I would never want Brynlei to feel like less than beautiful girl that she is.  I know as a mother, I have a lot of growing and learning to do but I made a commitment to myself to never give her(or any of my children) reason to think that they aren't worth anything or even just to have that feeling of worthlessness.  So back to the show, I find the ability these people have to change their lives (physically and mentally) so amazing because you know that this has been a lifelong struggle for them.  I always think, "If they can do it, then maybe so can I."  What I really need is Jillian to come and kick my butt into gear (even though I would probably die in the process)!!  I am sorry for the rambling on but I just felt like getting that off my chest.  Now that it is out there maybe the change I need will come.   I hope that I can let go of that lost girl of my past and embrace what my true worth is someday soon.  And I promise to post all the happenings that have been going on soon.